Why does she stay?
by Ninjastarzz
Summary: (YOGSCAST FANFICTION/ would appreciate constructive criticism) Not plot driven, just a sad Nano musing about the Blonde scientist. 'Because in the end, she had just as many demons as he did...'


An: Well. This is the first time I've put up a one-shot on here in a while. Please be gentle with me ;'( it's like being a newbie all-over again haha. Please feel free to tell me about any mistakes, I've tried my best but proofreading is not my strongpoint! I was up at like 3 in the morning so apologies if it makes no sense. I have no idea were this came from I was just bored. Like, really bored :D

The room was warmer than it had ever seemed to be before, of that she was sure.

She sat on her knees on the double bed and blinked as the purple light of her bedside candle flickered, casting reflected colour across the grey cobblestone walls. The scent of flowers offered up as apology was strong and they made her feel light, like she was flying in a breeze as her lips pulled into a warm smile. The woman was slender, petite and looked to be even smaller compared to the open space of her oversized room. Along with the flowers she could smell the musty tang of the parchments lining the bookcase to the left of her bed, it made her feel dizzy.

She could see the outside through the glass pane window of her tower, Lalnah had taken it upon himself to clear the windows of the blocks he had previously put down one by one. Shutting her away from the rest of the vibrant world outside as he placed her under 100 days of isolation. For her own good of course, the purple skin on her scorched hands was evidence of that. Yet still, she had been pained by it. He had backed away from her with a wavering voice that spouted half formed apologies and reassurances, everything's fine, you'll be fine, it's nothing serious. But there was a glint of hard cased logic in his eyes, eyes that despite previously regarding her with warmth or perhaps the amused fondness of a new toy were now sharp as steel. She was sure without a doubt when he had noticed the purple veins that curled around her arms, making their way higher and higher marring her tanned skin, that if it truly came down to it he would put a bullet through her brain if required. So sure she had been that those days would be her last. The infection wasn't going away, only getting worse. Her brown eyes which he had often likened to milk chocolate were also becoming tainted. Her left eye was now completely purple and her vision was focused entirely on her right that still thankfully didn't show any signs of changing.

She'd a started off naïve in this new world. When Sjin the seemingly helpless farmer had come across her she had trusted in him completely, he was her teacher and she placed her wellbeing in his hands. She'd not noticed any signs he could be dangerous or less than deserving of her complete trust in him, then his 'boss' had come looking for him.

What was his name? Sips. That was it.

Separately she had realised they were fine, mischievous perhaps but not without their limitations of bravery. They didn't have the capacity to carry out half of the crazy schemes they came up with when apart, together however…

She still had nightmares about that day. Everything a blur, black, white, grey, red. Total red, the blood that seeped from her wounds as she lay on the wet soil of the farm. Sjin and Sips laughter ringing in her eyes over and over as Sips took Sjin by the hand and led him away from her. Sjin had looked at her and smiled. She was dying and he smiled at her. So free of any guilt or responsibility he had walked away with Sips into the fields back towards his home, both had ignored her desperate screams for someone, _**anyone**_ to help her. To please make the pain go away. But with that last smile he had turned his back on her and she was alone, they left her to die in a pool of her own blood, surrounded by the remains of the TNT they had set off as she crouched next to them.

"I only need one assistant" Sips had snapped.

And Sjin made his choice.

Sometimes the nightmare carried on, she felt herself pulling away from her own body as she floated higher and higher, an overwhelming feeling as she fell endlessly like she had in reality. Landing in Lalnah's Castle garden. Only this time he couldn't see her. There was no first meeting, no polite exchange of names and backstory. They never met. He'd walk out into the sunshine casting shadow over his weary eyes with the flat of his calloused hand, look into the garden, see nothing and leave. His Blonde hair she longed to brush her fingers through and white lab coat fluttering behind him in the summer breeze.

Other times it would be much worse. She'd see everything over again, everything that had happened so far. Every time she fell and he helped her up. In the beginning with a sigh of irritation and an uncaring pull that later evolved into a worried glance as he gently lifted her back to her feet. The many nights she'd wake to Lalnah's desperate screams, stumble her way to his lab were she'd find him asleep on the floor again and drag him to her own bed. He was usually so exhausted from days without sleep that he didn't even wake and she'd spend the rest of the night poking him whenever he descended into mutterings of guilt and despair again about Rythian, who she gathered had once been his best friend. She'd wonder vaguely if he new about her own nightmares. Then the flashes would continue, Lalnah whining about Tiddles getting in his way, Lalnah dubbing their basement the 'sex dungeon', Lalnah asking her for food, Lalnah calling her a noob, Lalnah telling her how proud he was of her when she bagged her first creeper. Lalnah, Lalnah, Lalnah, always Lalnah. That was fine, enjoyable even. It's when the dream starts shifting however that things get bad. His blood all-over the floor, her skin completely purple as the word Monster rebounds in her head like a drop in the ocean. Waves of pain and anger as she hits him over and over for no reason at all, just for the thrill that comes with it. Soon he stops moving.

It's her fault when he does.

That's when she wakes up, if not beforehand then always here. Sometimes with tears streaming down her face and tension so hard in her fisted hands they bleed, sometimes with a terrified scream that doesn't end until he slams the door open and pulls her to him as she sobs into his lab coat how sorry she is. She's sorry. She's so so sorry.

The next morning neither speaks of it, he calls her name and it hangs in the air. For one second she feels utter love but at the same time terror and then he finishes his sentence, asking her for a wrench or tool of some sort. She's never sure as to whether she's relieved or disappointed. But in the end it's what drives her to him she realises. Sjin was endless kind words, a gentle smile that was only painted but behind that a soul of nothing. Empty unless he's with Sips, he appears to be kind. Lalnah's his complete opposite, introverted instead of extroverted, a blank face and uncaring language or simply rude words. But when he expresses even the tiniest smile it is genuine and it changes his whole face. Transforms it from that of a robot to a shy young man struggling to understand the people around him.

Nano knows how he swaps back and forth between his normal personality (Lalnah) to the dark side of his soul (Livid) knows that in the end he's honestly insane and one day he will either kill her himself or seal her fate through either a turn of accident or poor placed ignorance.

She reclines on her bed and stares at the ceiling.

Why does she stay?

"It's because I love him" She whispers.

Closing the door of her room to give her privacy, he smiles.


End file.
